we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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