I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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