Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
