im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Barsexuality is the new black.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
