scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
