I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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