loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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