I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
