Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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