What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize