sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
