she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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