8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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