I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
that may or may not have been my penis.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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