Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
