I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
false alarm, still single
Never joke about your clitoris.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
