I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
