question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
