he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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