he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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