The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
