I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
