I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
