Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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