dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
