Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so much tequila, so little girl.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
