I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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