So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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