Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
please don't ironically join a cult
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