We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
