I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
