the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
