Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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