someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
