Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize