So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
