Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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