i'm signing you up for texting rehab
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
