I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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