I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
