I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
