Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
