Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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