Don't make out with my wife yet
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
