A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
