Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
