Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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