It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
