Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
