Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
