I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
