6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
