I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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