you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
