i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize