i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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