The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
