So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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