They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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