Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
