just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
