You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
